Date: 26th November 2012 at 8:56am
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Let’s face it. Most football these days is so boring it makes us long for a Michael Carrick post match interview. However, things may be about to change. Thanks to people’s pundit Stanley Collymore, he’s promoting a new and radical approach to post-match interviews, and they could be on the way, if he has anything to do with it.

No more the run-of-the-mill monosyllabic crapola with an acquiescent and trembling Geoff Shreeves pat-balling the usual suspect players and managers with a piercing ‘why were you so brilliant today?’ in-shallow interrogation, dear me no. Thanks to strenuous efforts from our very own Stan-of-the people, we can expect a change from the status quo, which, if he has his way, will include the questioning of referees after the final whistle, to find out why they gave the decisions they did during the game.

Oh, but I hear the more sensible of you say, surely their response will be self-evident, and they will say simply that they had one go at making a decision, and didn’t have the benefit of 25 camera angles. In short they will be humiliated in front of a world-wide audience. What’s not to like as far as Stanley is concerned?

Now obviously, unless refs are going to give chapter and verse about how they deliberately made those mistakes, pull £50 notes from their cards pocket, cackle, rub their moustache, and, perhaps, try out their newly acquired bookies tic-tac suggestively on the TV continuity girl, we ain’t gonna be any the wiser. However, the general idea is brilliant, if applied to all other interviewees, as it will also put players and managers on the spot in the same way.

Great. So I may assume we’ll no longer have to suffer some mouth-breathing git looking at his boots, swigging a bottle of hypozade, while he speaks his brains about appreciating the gaffer, getting his opportunity, blah blah blah, a great ball from Wiggsy, Giggsy, or Biggsy etc etc, and, lo, the heavens open, and we’ll have a bit more variety to post match interviews.

Surely if we are going to put refs on the spot, and they are shown their errors in glaring HD in front of the watching millions, and then asked for that totally redundant response, won’t it be great for us, the viewing and paying public, not just to get the predictably dull MOM attendee to go through the motions, and mumble his thanks and walk off with a bottle of fizz, but, MUCH, MUCH more interestingly, get the diver in front of the cameras to explain his cheating, in full thespian slow-mo, the loutish tackler to justify his over the top sending off, and ask if he has any message for his victim, now lying in hospital, or (plump up the cushions), the likes of Wenger or Ferguson to respond to accusations of bad sportsmanship, and given the full Paxmanesque treatment if their answers come up short.

I’d especially like an Allardyce interview which went off-message, and asked him why he didn’t sue Panorama, when he said he would all those years ago? After all, if refs are going to get the third degree, we might then get proper interviews with the real culprits, who cost us so much to watch the flaming game in the first place. Well done Stanley.

Written by lordjohnny